The Ultimate NBA Arcade

So just like many sports fans many parts of my christmas included items that were based around my passions: pop culture and professional sports. Since I am now trying to act like a grown up I got a lot of the typical items: clothes, housewares, socks... but with the comeback present of the year came my sister Amy with the sports fans present of the year "The Book of Basketball" by. Bill Simmons. Ive been a huge fan of the sports guy for the past 3 years and was eagerly anticipating this book but held out because I knew someone in my family would be wise enough to buy it for me.

Reading the book there is one concept that I think everyone should be aware of. Simmons believes that the NBA and its associatied bodies should demolish the Hall of Fame in Springfield, Mass and build a new colesisum in French Lick Indiana. Whether you have an opinion on this subject is your own opinion but after reading all of his ideas for what to have in the hall I feel that there is one thing missing from the list. Sure they need a better organized hall, clever restaurants and even a ginormous gift shop (seriously it should be like an IKEA) the one thing I realized that the sports guy missed was a place for kids... So here is my idea for the ULTIMATE NBA ARCADE...

After much debate and laughter and many tossed out ideas here is my list as the top potential NBA related games for the NBA Arcade.

1. Ron Artest / Jermaine O'Neal Punch Out...

Now every die hard NBA fan remembers the "Malice at the Palace" when Ron Artest ran through the fans hitting everything in sight. Similar concept accept it would be like one of those standing boxing games where you would be either Artest or O'Neal and you would be fighting fans wearing Pistons jerseys most of them looking like Turtle from Entourage.

The game would be based on a time clock, you only have so many minutes to hit as many fans as possible and have to avoid beer and other things be thrown at you as you rampage through the stands. After a successful knockout you could take a shot a hennessey and regain all your strength. Man I love the NBA this stuff practically writes itself.

2. Shaq's free throw machine

This would be your standard arcade style basketball shooting game accept the rim is smaller then the ball so no shot could possibly go in. This thing could even design itself. You could decorate it with all the different team logo's Diesel has worn (Magic, Lakers, Heat, Suns, Cavs). Hell after each shot you could have a video screen on the game that shows video clips from Kazaam. Also the sound track is already made. Does anyone remember Shaq Diesel... That thing had grammy written all over it. Also if by some grace of god a shot does go in (which just like in real life rarely happens) You can hear the infamous "Kobe hows my ass taste" sound clip.

I swear Mattel should pick up on this shit.....

3. Gilbert Arenas "Shoot Em Up"

This would be on the lines of a Time Crisis or House of the Dead arcade games where you are the lead character, in this case Gilbert Arenas wearing a Washington Bullets jersey (irony anyone), you travel around the Verizon center looking for Javaris Crittenton and in the process you have to shoot all those that get in your way. (most looking strangly like David Stern).

Also to make this game fun for all their could be a two player version where Arenas teams up with Delonte West, donning a guitar case and a sawed off shotgun. Damn this stuff is just too funny to be true.

Sometimes as a fan you have to appreciate the simple things in life...

4. Dennis Rodman Dress-up

This game is designed for the young female NBA fan. What little girl dosent love playing dress-up. In this game its pretty much like that scene in clueless where Cher picks out her clothes on a computer screen. The girls could mix and match top and bottoms and create the best costume for "Hot Rod".

After the ideal costume is picked it would be superimposed over Rodman and shown on the screen in one of his craziest public apperances. In the final stage the player would get to accessorize the legendary wedding gown Rodman wore. The game could feature voice overs from Carmer Electra because god known we need to find a way to save her career.

5. The Ultimate NBA Trade Machine

These would be like those bar style touch screen table top games. Its the popular ESPN classic accept with a few stipulations. There would be levels where trades would be suggested to you by former general managers and you would have to decide whether the trade was worth it or it would cost you your job. (If Isaiah Thomas ever shows up remember to deny). The goal is to trade as many players and make you team as much money as possibale before losing your job.

A popular feature to this game would be a yearly tournament around the hall of fame inductions where within a 72 hour period people could submit their best what if trade and the most successful trade would be put into place. This would draw fan attention and prove that even an idiot knows that Eddie Curry isnt worth a first round pick.....

So these are my top 5 choices for the ULTIMATE NBA ARCADE. Some other ideas that were trashed in the creatve process:

Charles Barkley: The Game: You would play as Charles's assistant and help him avoid jailtime and bookies all while trying to avoid being strangled by the Round Mound of Rebound.

Name That Afro: This game is for the basketball historian in the family. Simple head shots of afro's from the 60's 70's and ABA days. it would be like Who Wants To Be A Millionaire where you would have lifelines and could win prizes for correct guesses.

GM Whack-A-Mole: Same as the traditional game but instead of mole it would be bobble head like replicas of former GM's and players from their most infamous trades. (i.e. Sixers former gm Billy King, Samuel Dalembert, Elton Brad, Iguodala, hell add coach Eddie Jordan, I for one would love to beat the shit out of that guy).

Kobe Bryant "Rape and Run": Its like an electronic shuttle run, you would run from the hotel in Colorado to the jewelry store to buy a consolation ring all while being beaten by the media. Its like a mad dash with short stops trying to fix your public image (health meter).

Just a thought. I for one would be lined up all day to get into the NBA ULTIMATE ARCADE....

Love it. Hate it.... drop me a line email

-b.chan